By far one of the most crushing, heart-wrenching days I’ve ever experienced. I know it sounds silly– it’s just a race, but when you put so much of yourself into something… for days, weeks, months on end all for one particular day and that day gets pulled right out from under you… it hurts.
I’ve thought about this day, this morning, this race every single day since July 13th (day after Rhode Island). I’ve trained my body, my heart, and my mind. I’ve visualized every step of the race from waking up to zipping my wetsuit, to crossing the finish line. I’ve driven the course, I’ve biked (the portions allowed) the course, I’ve run the course. I’ve worked up to peak my training intensity and I’ve tapered myself down in preparation for this race. I’ve done it all. I’ve done it all correctly and purposefully. I’ve done everything right… and for what? To lie here on race day while the yellow sunshine gazes through my window. I’m incredibly trained and weather conditions are absolutely perfect… and I’m on the couch.
I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. How is this happening? What’s worse than having a bad race? Having no race at all. This was going to be my season’s culmination. My last chance to achieve my sub 2:30 goal. I know I was going to hit it. I felt it inside me. I wanted to prove it to myself and I won’t have that chance again. Next season is a whole new game and I’ll never have the results of this season’s proper train/taper.
Ok enough negative thoughts for one sitting.
